Somewhere I still have the letter that Brendon (I hope I spelled his name right) wrote to me for being disrespectful in my house. He’s an old friend of my son, Paul, and used to live with us in Sheridan, Colorado. The ‘kid’ has been on my mind, and with me this entire ride. When the Aurora theater shooting happened I was dumbfounded when I saw the shooter’s face for the first time… I thought it was Brendon. If I recall correctly they both have similar ‘mental’ disorders. It wasn’t until later that I heard Mr. Holmes’ name, and sad as I am to this day regarding the matter… I have to admit that I was relieved. I suppose everyone feels that way when tragedy strikes and it doesn’t hit OUR home field.
Let me tell you about one of my Heathen Spawn, Brendon, Branden, Heathen Spawn!
He came to live with us when him and his mom had some sort of falling out. Paul had let me know that he had some mental issues, but I figure we all do. We loaded up his stuff (and a box of alcohol which didn’t bother me one bit .. I was grateful once we were done with the moving part). He unpacked and I learned that we had a lot in common. He was into realms that fascinate me, and I was excited to take over some of his library: The Devil’s Bible, The Necronomicon (another story in itself), and his general concept of the sides of life that are ‘taboo’ to the general population. I wonder now if Paul chose his friends for himself, or if I was that much of an influence on him. One day after he’d been there for quite sometime there was a knock on the door…
It was the FBI
There had been some computers stolen from the school near by, and I had a suspect living in my home. His father worked for some computer company, and I had no agreeable words to give to the gentleman that came to the door that day. Unfortunately, due to the circumstances I had to ask my Heathen Spawn to leave. I hope that he understands why. He was never unwelcome after that. To this day my door is open to the kid.
I think highly of him these days more than before. Since Aurora, he’s been like a woodpecker in the back of my mind, and a constant in my heart. The feeling is strongest when I recall how my daughter, Michele, had called me while it was still fresh on the news telling me her opinion of the ordeal. She had said to me ‘Mom, he just gave up and didn’t fight. It was like he wanted it to end.’ It was the way she said it that keeps Brendon with me during this II Trojan War that began about that time, and he is as my dark wing… and I am thankful.
With him comes understanding. A crazy sort of ‘getting it’ that I don’t believe enough people have these days.. regarding these types of events or otherwise anymore. It’s heartbreaking. If we would only take the time to get to know others, and trust out hearts more than what we simply see or hear of.. we would be so enlightened and rich indeed. We would definitely increase out chances of healing as a people, a nation, a human being with a beautiful spiritual experience so far minimized to FEEL as we live it.. instead of just looking at it as if it were alien. I don’t believe Mr. Holmes acted on his own intension. I strongly believe that he was joy sticked along for the ride, and when it was over.. thankful to have authority to watch and see what is truly going on underneath the surface of what has become of his life. I truly hope that they see it for what it is, and this gentleman for who he is.. and deserves, yet, to be.. once more.
To all of my Heathen Spawn out there:
I love you